Free Live Uranian Astrology Readings

Welcome to!

Hi, I’m Ernesto. I’m a professional Uranian Astrologer. My specialties are alchemy and astral travel. I’m the most spiritual frat boy you’ll ever meet, but I’m really kind of a square. I operate differently from other astrologers. First off, I don’t charge you for a general reading.

I also don’t believe in a twelve-house system or zodiacal signs. “Professional Western Astrologers” tell you to pick and choose the techniques that work for you, which is why there are so many voices, and the noise is anecdotal at best. I use ONE methodology and it’s the same every time. Your reading is only as good as the information you provide, which is why I require your EXACT time of birth. I am unable to read you without a complete birth profile, which includes your date, TIME, and place.

I got sick of shitty astrologers talking about astrology, so I created a show where all we do is astrology, but never talk about it! Isn’t that the first rule of Fight Club? Hopefully you can understand the fallacy of all these astrology clubs, chapters, or dis-organizations. I refuse to participate in that circle-jerk, so here we are. Uranian Astrology is Alchemy. You can choose your manifestation in the future based on your course of actions in the present. This is to the extent we’re given “freewill.”

To get your free live reading, please call 563-999-3070. If the line is busy, please try again later when the screening room has opened up more space (has a limit of 10 callers). To cut to the front, tip me $5. Please include your callback number so I can reach out.

I’ll be here for two hours, or until the queue is clear. I’ll always extend the show for tip readings, so no need to worry about getting cut off. Stay tuned for Last Call!

Be sure to leave me a review and get in the draw for a free live reading!

Join me here on for new episodes Tuesdays at 8pm AZ time!

Front of the line pass

You know I don’t do this show for your money. After all, the live readings are free. If you really enjoyed your astrologer boyfriend experience with me, I always appreciate any gratuities. It’s how I continue to make this show. Remember any contribution of $5 will get you a “front of the line” pass so you don’t have to wait in the queue. Come on, you gotta admit twerking fratbro is effective marketing.